|How I feel in the kitchen nowadays.|
Since I started weaning myself off of foods like wheat, dairy, and meat for the past two to three weeks, I've noticed a significant decrease in the intense (and random) cravings that I have throughout the day. That much has been helpful. But for some reason I couldn't bring myself to flush my home of all the foods I really shouldn't have around anymore. It was this reassurance, I think, that if I wanted something it was there; that feeling fueled my willpower on more than one occasion. That even though it was an option, I didn't need it - not that I couldn't have it (lying to yourself helps a lot, y'all, it may not be mentally healthy in the long run, but it acts like a band-aid... at least for now).
For some reason, though, I woke up and knew today was the day. The day I had dreaded as soon as my doctor and nutritionist and I had discussed this new, and hopefully temporary, diet. I just needed to get rid of it all and purge. Starting February 11th (just four short days away), all of these foods - foods that I grew up with, foods that I've turned to in times of stress and anxiety, foods that brought me comfort and happiness - they weren't going to be a part of my life anymore, or at least not for the near future. I needed to face the music. I needed to see all of my pasta, my cheese, and my bacon (oh, good LORD the bacon) in the trashcan. I needed the visual to be able to come to terms with it.
It wasn't a great morning, and I'm still kind of reeling from it all. From all the work I've done so far, I do feel cleaner, and I do feel healthier, but I still would really, really love a fried chicken sandwich.